Real Woman

Don’t sting the most stunning girl from heaven:

Her lightface is like gold but not stone-cold:

Eyes shine like stars, stars like eyes of the sun;

Bold smiles are her styles: virtue to behold.

embrace (2)

This is the girl, down-to-earth on this earth:

Her embrace gives life; life gives her a face;

She likes childbirth, a virtue worth her worth:

Matchless grace, not found in a marketplace;

Österreich, Tirol, Plansee

Human, one a human calls a woman,

Mum, yes a mum, even without a child,

For in her pain, she’s still sane and human;

In her heart, she’s a sweetheart to a child;

Don’t sting her, sing for her and marry her,

She’s humane, again a stunning creature.

Copyright © 2016 by P. A. Owala

All rights reserved.

Falling in Love

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Love is the only truth that comes alive if what two people share is able to make them inseparable. This love is like a thin layer of cement put between two blocks to make them have a lasting connection. If cement needs water and sand to bind effectively, love needs devotion and respect to nurture intimacy between two partners. Just like the cement, love needs time to exhibit its full effect. Two people cannot start an affair today and claim they are in love today because they may be dealing with lust. Until two people have spent so much time together to be able to understand each other’s dos and don’ts, they are still far away from loving each other.

Consequently, the idea that two people may start a relationship because of “love-at-first-sight” only means that they approved of each other’s physical attributes, not that they fell in love with each other. Of the aforementioned ten-point checks, physical attributes of one’s potential partner have indeed the strongest tendency to fulfill spontaneously what one desires for in a relationship. So, be careful not to choose your spouse based on only one of the ten-point checks because you may be in for a big surprise which may make you live miserably for a long time.

Choosing A Partner (The Sting)-POST 10

Sources of Distraction (The Sting)

Use this point for your final check with respect to some of the things you hate about your spouse. Ask yourself this question:

Can you cope with those things?

Little things can put us off in a relationship. What puts you off? Are there things your prospective spouse does that make you sad? Does your prospective spouse have hard rules to some of the things you do and he or she would not budge or change any, even if you asked him or her to? How does your prospective spouse use his or her phone, computer, and other electronic gadgets in your presence? How does your prospective spouse interact with you in your good and bad moods? Find an answer to each of these questions and you will know whether to spend your future with him or her. The truth is that some bad habits sting like a bee. In other words, they hurt the heart, mind, and head. Talk to your prospective spouse about the need to stop any off-putting habit if you think it is the only thing that stands between both of you.

Rule 1: You must be sure that you can cope with the bad habits of your prospective spouse before you can make your final decision.

Rule 2: Don’t think that you can make your prospective spouse discard his or her bad habits when both of you are married. It may be impossible after marriage to change what you could not when you were in a relationship with him or her.

Choosing A Partner (The Anchor)-POST 9

Sources of Attraction (The Anchor)

Use this point for your final check after you have considered all the positive qualities your prospective spouse possesses. Ask yourself several questions:

Why are you attracted to your prospective spouse?

Is there any source of attraction?

You must answer these questions first before you can tell if there is headway in starting a future with your prospective spouse. You can do this by enumerating them. Consider one’s charm, cleanliness, motivations, strengths and abilities. These qualities will give you something to anchor on daily if they appeal to you. You must anchor on something in your prospective partner, if not you will not bond together. But what you anchor on must obey two major rules:

  1. It must not be need-driven. Don’t choose your spouse based on the fact that you have a need and he or she would meet them for you. For instance, needs like we can have children together, he will be a great father, she will be a great mother, she cooks for me, he has money to spend on me, she is presentable, he is great in bed, and he is ready for marriage. Problem starts after a few years when the excitements of getting your needs met have worn off because you already had them, since what happens afterwards in your marriage will be boring.
  2. Don’t let it define your future. The tendency that you will be a source of problem to your spouse is high if you rest all your future growth on whatever your spouse has because you might be disappointed and become a different person when the things are not there anymore.

CHOOSING A PARTNER (POST 6)

The two-way chemistry

The instant chemistry you feel for your prospective spouse on your first date, or at the first time you meet, does not give an assurance that he or she feels the same for you. You will make a mistake by concluding that your prospective spouse is attracted to you simply because you are attracted to him or her. You know yourself, and you are sure of what you feel inside, but you need some time to be sure of what your prospective spouse feels. So, be observant as you string yourselves along. Relationship or marriage is about two people, not about one person.

Double-checking your views

Over excitement about your blooming relationship can make you attach sentiments in your analysis of its true nature.   Your opinion about your potential spouse is very important but do not make your big decision without letting trusted members of your family or friends weigh in on your relationship. You will have some vital clues about your prospective spouse when you do that. Introduce him or her to them after a few dates, and you will be glad you did if they gave you their sincere observations. Their contributions will either increase your confidence in the relationship, or warn you about an impending danger which is not visible to you.

You will get a continuation tomorrow (Monday).

CHOOSING A PARTNER (POST 5)

The time factor

No one wants to invest time in anything that is worthless. What that means is that anyone who does not appreciate you from the onset will not want to be there for you. Don’t let the excuse “I am busy” fool you. Taking the decision to start a relationship is also taking the decision to spend time with someone special. So don’t laugh when your prospective spouse does not keep appointments with you because it may mean one thing: you are not special. Solve the time issue first before you make your big decision. Don’t start a relationship with anyone who will not have time for you.

The platform issue

Two people on different platforms cannot do much since they do not have much in common. The fact that they are not on the same level shows that they will grow apart when they come together and try to maintain their stances, unless one of them is ready to join the other on his or her platform, or that both of them are ready to move to a new platform where they can carry each other along from the outset. Never start a love affair with anyone who thinks or acts as if either of you are not on the same level, or that the level he or she occupies is higher than yours, because you will be marginalized and that will lead to unrest in your union.

The equality issue

Love is better served when two people play it with a mindset that they are equal, not when one thinks that the other is a servant. Studies have shown that a master-servant relationship is not the best route to happiness. You cannot give your best in a relationship where you think you are the master (Main Character) and your partner is the servant. More so, you cannot feel fulfilled in a relationship when you think you are being used as a servant because you will feel used. Never start a relationship with anyone who believes he or she is doing you a favour by opting to date you.

You will get more on Sunday.

CHOOSING A PARTNER (POST 4)

The Smart Animal

The smart animal knows how to avoid a hidden trap, no matter how it appears. Also, the smart animal knows how to spot the hidden good in one on a first date, no matter how timid and annoying one is. To do this, the smart animal employs what I call “The Correct Fire Brigade Approach”.

This approach is all about having the foresight to judge one by one’s words without being fooled by one’s lies or moods, and having the ability to string one along without getting hurt.

Step 1: Be nice. Being nice is like being a sniper. A sniper aims at a target for a good shot. Chat with your date and ask questions when you think you have to.

Step 2: Smile and make eye contact even if you do not feel it. You can change the way one plans to treat you by just doing that.

Step 3: Be patient. This trait will help you to listen and look one in the eye, as if one has something else to say.

Step 4: Be able to tell what you have that one does not have. In that way, you will know how to help your relationship grow.

Step 5: Be flexible but do not involve in sex until you are sure of one. It will increase one’s desire to know you.

You will get more on Wednesday.