How do you interact so that your relationship or marriage can move forward? (Part 1)




How you interact with your partner can determine how happy or sad both of you are going to be. Wrong interactions between a couple can make them doubt the purpose of their union and if they ever liked each other before they came together.

What do you say to your spouse daily? Continue reading

Factors Affecting The Act Of Choosing A Partner (POST 4)

Inability to query things

You may leave things the way they are and settle for your potential partner the moment you allow the excitements you enjoy in your relationship to cloud your intellect. This is when you believe that romance and love are all you need for a successful marriage, and you ignore other important signs that wave the red flag, warning you of the impending danger if you marry your potential partner.

Factors Affecting The Act Of Choosing A Partner (POST 3)

Expectations from family and other close associates

Sometimes, the need to impress people can affect how you choose your partner. No one can tell how you feel in your relationship better than you do, except in extreme cases of abuse where the society feels compelled to intervene and tell you what is right for you. Your relationship may not look great on the inside but does on the outside because of the way you and your potential spouse carry yourselves before people. This may make everyone in your life feel the pleasure and encourage you to get married, in spite of how you really feel inside. You are likely to go ahead with their demands, even though it is not what you want. More so, you may split from someone who is the right life partner for you because of family insistence based on religion, cultural belief, or other factors which you ignored when you began your relationship.

Factors Affecting The Act of Choosing A Partner (POST 2)

Pressure imposed on us by society

Pressure builds up in your daily life when you are afraid of being judged or talked about by the people that know your current situation, especially if you are of age or at the verge of being the last single friend. This makes you rush into a partnership that you might not deem okay if you were not under stress.

The charm and the personality of your potential partner

Charm and personality of your potential spouse are like tinted glasses, which have the tendency to shield your eyes from the harsh rays of the sun, because they can make you weigh your criteria for choosing a spouse wrongly. You may prioritize such qualities like appearance, résumé, and accomplishments, above the quality of your connection with your prospective spouse.

Factors Affecting The Act Of Choosing A Partner (POST 1)

Fear of spending time with the wrong person

Fear takes control of you when you occupy your mind with the idea that no matter what happens your relationship will end up in divorce, which is nowadays rampant in the society. With this mindset, you will assume that everyone is the same and you do not have control of how your relationship will go, no matter who your spouse is. Your relationship is doomed from the beginning when you make your choice based on this idea because you will rather be making a way for your smooth exit instead of doing your best to make it work. You will handle your spouse by using your brain instead of by using your heart. What that means is that you will be more calculative than romantic towards your spouse.

Choosing A Partner (The Anchor)-POST 9

Sources of Attraction (The Anchor)

Use this point for your final check after you have considered all the positive qualities your prospective spouse possesses. Ask yourself several questions:

Why are you attracted to your prospective spouse?

Is there any source of attraction?

You must answer these questions first before you can tell if there is headway in starting a future with your prospective spouse. You can do this by enumerating them. Consider one’s charm, cleanliness, motivations, strengths and abilities. These qualities will give you something to anchor on daily if they appeal to you. You must anchor on something in your prospective partner, if not you will not bond together. But what you anchor on must obey two major rules:

  1. It must not be need-driven. Don’t choose your spouse based on the fact that you have a need and he or she would meet them for you. For instance, needs like we can have children together, he will be a great father, she will be a great mother, she cooks for me, he has money to spend on me, she is presentable, he is great in bed, and he is ready for marriage. Problem starts after a few years when the excitements of getting your needs met have worn off because you already had them, since what happens afterwards in your marriage will be boring.
  2. Don’t let it define your future. The tendency that you will be a source of problem to your spouse is high if you rest all your future growth on whatever your spouse has because you might be disappointed and become a different person when the things are not there anymore.


The time factor

No one wants to invest time in anything that is worthless. What that means is that anyone who does not appreciate you from the onset will not want to be there for you. Don’t let the excuse “I am busy” fool you. Taking the decision to start a relationship is also taking the decision to spend time with someone special. So don’t laugh when your prospective spouse does not keep appointments with you because it may mean one thing: you are not special. Solve the time issue first before you make your big decision. Don’t start a relationship with anyone who will not have time for you.

The platform issue

Two people on different platforms cannot do much since they do not have much in common. The fact that they are not on the same level shows that they will grow apart when they come together and try to maintain their stances, unless one of them is ready to join the other on his or her platform, or that both of them are ready to move to a new platform where they can carry each other along from the outset. Never start a love affair with anyone who thinks or acts as if either of you are not on the same level, or that the level he or she occupies is higher than yours, because you will be marginalized and that will lead to unrest in your union.

The equality issue

Love is better served when two people play it with a mindset that they are equal, not when one thinks that the other is a servant. Studies have shown that a master-servant relationship is not the best route to happiness. You cannot give your best in a relationship where you think you are the master (Main Character) and your partner is the servant. More so, you cannot feel fulfilled in a relationship when you think you are being used as a servant because you will feel used. Never start a relationship with anyone who believes he or she is doing you a favour by opting to date you.

You will get more on Sunday.