What You Say Can Hurt


Invisible, but ears can hear its sound.

It doesn’t walk, but it can pierce a heart.

In your reckless talks, broken hearts abound.

In your right senses, make amends – be smart.


Copyright © 2016 by P. A. Owala

          All rights reserved.







Marriage is what usually comes next once you and your partner feel love for each other. However, being in love does not guarantee that both of you will have a successful marriage, but it will provide a positive base for it to grow in the right path.

You must bear in mind that your partnership persona and relationship desires may be different from the way you are as a single person. This little difference may affect your daily interactions with your spouse positively, or negatively, depending on your mood.

In that case, you must change your idea about doing things yourself to doing things with someone close to your heart if you are really sincere with changing your status.

To do this, you must be ready to share what you have, shower care on your spouse, and prepare yourself to receive whatever he or she offers, even if some are distasteful. In a polite way, talk about the things that you don’t like and you will see the beauty of having a dialogue with your spouse instead of a fight.


The mindset of your future partner

You cannot know the mindset of your future partner if you do not spend time together. Conversation is the key in this section. You must talk about everything. Talk about your goals, your plans, your daily troubles, and how you care for each other. Check for one’s honesty if you can, temperaments, and how one interacts with one’s family and yours too. The aim of doing this is to know if you have the same personalities. Having the same personalities will enable you to be doing things with one accord. You need to really agree in order to carry your relationship forward smoothly.


The time factor

No one wants to invest time in anything that is worthless. What that means is that anyone who does not appreciate you from the onset will not want to be there for you. Don’t let the excuse “I am busy” fool you. Taking the decision to start a relationship is also taking the decision to spend time with someone special. So don’t laugh when your prospective spouse does not keep appointments with you because it may mean one thing: you are not special. Solve the time issue first before you make your big decision. Don’t start a relationship with anyone who will not have time for you.

The platform issue

Two people on different platforms cannot do much since they do not have much in common. The fact that they are not on the same level shows that they will grow apart when they come together and try to maintain their stances, unless one of them is ready to join the other on his or her platform, or that both of them are ready to move to a new platform where they can carry each other along from the outset. Never start a love affair with anyone who thinks or acts as if either of you are not on the same level, or that the level he or she occupies is higher than yours, because you will be marginalized and that will lead to unrest in your union.

The equality issue

Love is better served when two people play it with a mindset that they are equal, not when one thinks that the other is a servant. Studies have shown that a master-servant relationship is not the best route to happiness. You cannot give your best in a relationship where you think you are the master (Main Character) and your partner is the servant. More so, you cannot feel fulfilled in a relationship when you think you are being used as a servant because you will feel used. Never start a relationship with anyone who believes he or she is doing you a favour by opting to date you.

You will get more on Sunday.


Be careful when you choose a partner because we have two sets of people in a dating game: the good guys and the bad guys.

The good guys exhibit good traits and think good within them than you can see in their physical attributes. Sometimes, this goodness makes them timid and they are liable to make mistakes when they are on their first dates. On the other hand, the bad guys exhibit good traits but think bad within them than you can observe in their physical features. Always, they are smart and know every word that their dates want to hear when they are on their first dates.

The Hidden Trap

Many people, especially woman, fall into this trap on their first dates and make mistakes. Let us assume a woman has a first date with a good man in a restaurant. At the restaurant she notices that the man does not charm her the way she expects, even though the man has other characteristics which are appealing to her. She takes a decision right there and decides not to go ahead with him. She keeps another date in the restaurant with a bad guy and falls in love with him right there because of his eloquence and his ability to fulfill her first-date expectations.  Suddenly, after a few dates with the bad guy, she cries of heartbreak and wonders why a guy she loved so much would treat her as if he never cared, even though he had said that many times. Truth is bitter, and the truth is that the bad guy wanted her for only a few dates, nothing more. What is the way forward? You will get an update on Sunday.


Choose your partner carefully, because from this decision you will have either happiness or misery. The first thing to bear in mind when you choose a partner is that you are choosing many things: your intimate partner; your talking buddy; your eating companion; your parenting partner; your career counselor; your travel, leisure, and retirement friend; and someone you will see when you are in your best and bad moods. Being aware of that is like being aware of what you want to go into, and it will serve as a guide in any decision you want to take. You can use these ten-point checks to make your choice:

Physical attributes of your prospective partner

You cannot make the right choice if you do not know what you want. Knowledge of what you want will enable you judge correctly when you see what you do not want. Ask yourself, how do I want my partner to look? If you can answer this simple question correctly, then you will be one step closer to what you really want. Do not choose one whose physical attributes do not meet your specification, unless one has other good qualities which can compensate for that. How can you know that one has good qualities when your focus here is on vetting one’s physical attributes if they appeal to you?


The act of choosing the right partner for a love affair seems easy, but it is indeed the most important thing to get right and the first obstacle we encounter on our route to a love affair.

This obstacle is one of the reasons why most relationships and marriages that kicked off with so much love and affection no longer exist today. Therefore, your choice of partner is like the key you need to start a new car. Each car has a unique key, which can start it and propel it forward. Likewise, each one has a unique person who can make one feel loved first and then give one the strength to love in return. Mark the phrase “feel loved first” because how you feel in your new affair is what determines how you will react to your new partner.

But do you know that most of the time we feel excitements at the beginning of our relationships or marriages? Keep in mind that most of the love affairs or marriages that ended in divorce started with excitement, love, and affection. Now, how do we choose our partner in order to reduce the risk of starting a relationship with the wrong person?